In keeping with the shallow self interest that has dominated recent Australian politics, we feel it is time for the cryptic crossword community to flex our political muscle. We must campaign for policies and leaders that will promote the setting and solving of cryptics!!
We are, after all, the engine room of the Australian economy – crosswords hone our brains, driving innovation and productivity in the knowledge-based economy of the 21st century. Not only do we provide employment to tens of compilers and editors, but we drive job creation in downstream industries, such as cafes and newsagents.
We are also a cornerstone of Australian society. Without cryptics, working families would have to resort to other forms of entertainment, like the pokies. The crossword community protects vulnerable pedants from complete despair at the state of public language and stops them turning to non-grape-based substance abuse.
Imagine how many boat people would swamp us if they didn’t feel intimidated by our language’s unique attribute – the cryptic crossword. Assessing asylum claims on applicants’ ability to complete DA would be a far more effective in deterring asylum seekers than turning back the boats. In fact, people who cant get at least a handful of clues from NS or RM are un-Australian!
Unfortunately, a little searching reveals that no Australian politicians claim cryptic skills. No wonder the country is in the state it is in.
It’s too late to start our own party for this election and to get DA into The Lodge, but at least we should direct our votes towards candidates with names that make the most amusing acronyms. My efforts so far to work out who to vote for on this basis consist of:
NOT BY T-BOAT
CRAP, EVIL ELM
RE LICHEN IN MIST
No clear winner here, can anyone do better and guide the preferences of Australia’s newest lobby group?